NEW!! The Newer Testament: The Book of AngryAndrew
Hello Humans! Love Ya! ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜
But. Um. Hey, can you do me a favor? Please just stop worshiping me? My friends that run the other universes keep giving me hell about it. It’s embarrassing.


I don't have such a fragile ego that you need to waste your precious and brief lives spending any time thinking you owe me something. You don’t. Be happy. That’s it.

If you really want to give me something, this is what I'd like:

Please STOP KILLING EACH OTHER in MY NAME. That really hurts my feelings & makes me VERY VERY SAD.


Okay? Thank You.

Moving On, Are You Here For Answers? Have you tried using your mind yet?

Thinking: It's not just for monkeys anymore.
You were all given free-thinking minds, capable of understanding subtlety, finding truth between the lines, and creating & inventing wonderful toys and art and thought. I'd love it if you used those minds a bit more.
Find truth for yourself, and tell others about it for instance. That would be neat!
Nevertheless if you want some guidance, here it is:

~• RealGod's™ Guidelines for Humans •~

  1. Treat your fellow humans well. "Well" does not mean how YOU would like to be treated, "well" means how THEY would like to be treated. Think on that one, okay? Some helpful tips include: Be honest but be kind, be helpful but be accepting, be direct but be gentle, be protective but be unconstraining, be educating but be open-minded.
  2. Stop thinking about me. I’m not going to give you answers, that would be cheating. Everything you need to know you can discover through science and autodidactic exploration. I'm overjoyed that you came up with a way to find truth using your own invention of science. My friends that run some of the other universes don't have any life that's done that yet, so kudos to you!
  3. STOP: murdering, hating, killing, raping, molesting, non-consensual genital grabbing, warring, blowing people up, hurting, harming, blaming, and the other bad things.
    . . . . . JUST . . . . . STOP . . . . . Okay? See #1 above for more details on this concept.
  4. Be happy. Do the things that make you happy. Take care of yourself. Treat yourself well. Don’t let fear run your life. Accept yourself. Live in the moment. Set healthy boundaries. Be all you can be. You know, that kind of stuff.
  5. Teach your children. If you are raising little humans, teach them these things, and especially how to be happy. As an obvious side-note treat them well too.

That's it! You don't need a 1000 page book.

A few paragraphs covers it all. Nevertheless, here are two more "bonus items":
  • 6) ENOUGH WITH THE PRAYERS: Stop "praying" to me. This is an extension of #2, but look: sorry that something in your life isn't going well. I really can't help you. I have a wager with one of my friends that you'll achieve some great things, but I can't intervene directly or I’ll lose the bet. So you're on your own — just look within yourself, trust me.
  • 7) LIFE AND DEATH AND MEANING: I know a lot of you are all concerned about what happens when you die. I'm not going to give you a direct answer, for reasons similar to why I can't tell you how or why the universe started up. It’s not that it’s a secret...
...In fact, it’s obvious and very, very simple, just too complex for the human mind to understand.

But you should realize THIS TRUTH:

The good you do lives on after you. And so does the evil.

That’s as close as I can come to a truthful, direct answer.

Photo: Fabio Comparelli
How you affect those around you will influence how they in turn affect others. The good — and the evil — that you do travels through those around you and beyond. And it lasts after you are gone. Think of it like echos in a canyon or ripples in a pond.
Think about that. I mean, you shouldn't need a reason to treat others well. But if you do that's a great one, and it's a verifiable fact that you can see for yourself.
Okay, well, that's enough. I've been wanting to say these things for a while but I'm actually a pretty busy entity. And now I need to get back to, like, doing God stuff.
P.S. To the French: nice job with the food!
"I'm proud of my sunsets though" — RealGod™
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